A friend once reminded me that there is a difference between hesitation and fear. 

What a reminder that I so desperately needed?

I have learned the last few months here on the race that I have let fear dictate and complicate my full surrender for YEARS.

I have learned that in hesitation there is a pause that gives me the choice to allow Jesus into my circumstance/decision making and let Him guide me through it.  Scripture tells us numerous times to "fear not", that is a command not a suggestion. I have needed to remind myself of this command multiple times out here on the field. For example, when you are sent to the hospital in a foreign country being told you need surgery, when a teammate gets sent home, sharing your testimony, watching your ministry host get pushed and yelled at by drunk aggressive locals who aren’t happy that there are Americans in their village, etc. I could name so many times that I have had to command my soul to "fear not". Instead I am choosing to walk in hesitation and allow Jesus to come into those parts of my spirit that have to confront fear and command it to flee. Let me tell you how INCREDIBLE it feels when you get to walk in the authority given to us by Jesus and command the enemy to flee. It is one of the most powerful things I have ever partnered with Jesus in. There is a peace that captivates every fiber of your being in those moments. Hesitation opens the door for Jesus to work, fear opens the door for the enemy to play the same three cards. (John 10:10)

     The Lord reminded me of this photo from a bridal shoot I was a part of before I left as it exemplifies hesitation without fear. Stepping into unknown territory whatever that may look like. I encourage you friend to pause, reflect, and let Jesus be the center.

Following Jesus can be HARD and terrifying at times. Following Him was never promised to be easy but He does promise us that He will never leave us nor forsake us. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

Being gone has taught me to hesitate, let Him in, and choose to partner with Jesus to walk it out hand in hand instead of fearing the unkown and allowing the enemy to present me with fear. What a crappy gift that the enemy offers? Why would I choose to receive that over the gift of Jesus that comes with SOOO many things that produce fruit and ultimately glorified Jesus when we choose to receive and walk in those gifts. (Galatians 5:22-23)

What a beautiful thing it is to be led by Jesus. 

I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life growing in intamicy with Him and learning what it looks like to choose hesitation over fear.